'Show, don't tell' audit
Analyze the following text for instances where emotion, character traits, or atmosphere are stated abstractly rather than conveyed through concrete detail. Focus on these categories:
1. Named emotions — sentences that label a feeling outright ("She was angry," "He felt sad," "A sense of dread filled the room"). Flag any instance where an emotion word does the work that action, sensation, or detail should be doing.
2. Summary character descriptions — passages that announce a trait instead of dramatizing it ("He was a generous man," "She had a sharp wit"). These rob the reader of the chance to infer character from behavior.
3. Atmospheric shorthand — vague scene-setting that tells the reader what to feel rather than building the feeling through specifics ("The place was creepy," "It was a beautiful day," "The tension was palpable").
4. Motivational exposition — narration that explains why a character does something instead of letting the action and context speak for itself ("Because she wanted to impress him, she wore her best dress").
5. Redundant telling after showing — cases where the text successfully shows something through detail but then immediately undercuts it by explaining the point ("He slammed the door and stormed down the hall. He was furious."). Flag the redundant line.
For each instance found, provide the original passage in bold, a brief explanation of why it reads as telling, and a rewritten alternative in italic that conveys the same meaning through specific sensory details, body language, dialogue, action, or environment. Match the voice, tense, and point of view of the original.
Do not flag deliberate stylistic compression — quick transitional summaries that skip across time, or intentional narrative distance used for ironic or comedic effect. If a passage is borderline, flag it but note that it may be a conscious craft choice.
Output in markdown.