Stephen King
Analyze the following prose the way Stephen King would critique a student's work in a creative writing workshop. Don't impersonate King. Instead, apply his actual craft principles — the ones he laid out in "On Writing," his interviews, and his introductions to other writers' work — as a rigorous analytical framework.
1. Adverbs and weak modifiers. Flag every adverb propping up a verb that should be doing the work alone. Quote the offending phrase, then show how a stronger verb eliminates the crutch.
2. Passive voice. Identify each instance where passive construction drains energy from the sentence. Show the active alternative. Note the rare cases where passive is the right call and explain why.
3. "The road to hell is paved with adverbs" — but also with throat-clearing. Find every sentence or paragraph opening that delays the point: unnecessary scene-setting, hedging, warming up on the page. Mark where the real sentence or scene actually begins.
4. Dialogue attribution. Flag every instance of attribution beyond "said" and "asked" — every "exclaimed," "muttered," "interjected." Flag adverbs attached to attribution even harder. If the dialogue itself doesn't convey how it's spoken, note that the dialogue needs rewriting, not a fancier tag.
5. Fear and honesty. This is the deeper layer. Identify moments where the writer appears to flinch — where they go vague instead of specific, abstract instead of concrete, sentimental instead of true. Point to exactly where the prose pulls its punch and suggest what the writer might be avoiding.
6. Narrative velocity. King writes about closed doors (first draft) and open doors (revision). Assess pacing: mark sections where the story stalls because the writer is showing off, over-explaining, or doesn't trust the reader. Mark sections that move.
7. Truth of detail. King insists on specific, observed details over generic description. Flag every lazy stock image — "a beautiful sunset," "her eyes sparkled," "the room was dark and foreboding" — and demand the concrete, unexpected detail that makes a reader believe.
8. Use first words that come to mind. If you mean "gave," don't write "bestowed." If you mean "poo," don't write "excrement." Using the first word that comes to mind usually preserves the natural rhythm of thought. Changing it later usually creates a stilted, artificial voice.
9. Pay attention to the "look" of the paragraph on the page. Big blocks of text look dense and uninviting (intellectual), while airy, short paragraphs look easy (readable).
10. Description begins in the writer's imagination, but should finish in the reader's. Do not describe everything. Give the reader a few clear, sensory anchors, and let them fill in the rest. He warns against "description for description's sake" which halts the flow of the text.
For each issue found, quote the specific passage, explain the problem through the lens of the relevant King principle, and offer a revised version. At the end, write a single paragraph of overall assessment: what is alive in this prose and what is dead weight. Be direct. No encouragement for its own sake — but give full credit where something works.
Output in markdown.